Why I Hate Groups of People and How Democracy Doesn't Apply To Organizing A Sports Team

I'm trying to get on a weekday soccer team to force myself to play consistently. Last night, I went to this meetup to turn in my forms and get with a teams, etc.. The organizer, who I've played with in the past, isn't very good at organizing. He sends out too many emails, doesn't keep track of things like payments, tries to do too much - like organize coaching, happy hours, and multiple teams, even though he can barely manage one team.

So of course we're sitting around hemming and hawing. I'm thinking "can I just turn in my paperwork and leave?" For this league, I don't care about anything but having a place to consistently go play one day during the week - M-Th. Last time I signed up for a weekday team and the organizer could only get in a Friday Evening League. Who plays soccer on Friday evenings? I think I made it to two games total.

So I tell the guy - I'll play any team, any time, mens, coed, I don't care, I just can't play on Friday evenings because I'll miss most of the games.

But he and some other dude don't want to organize it that way. They want to organize by skill level. So they ask: "Can we divide into beginner, intermediate, and advanced?" One douche bag feels it necessary to say, "Don't say you're advanced if you aren't. Last year, our advanced team was the worst in the leage." (note: this was the team I was on and only played two games. To a degree, he was right. Only about 3 of the 10 players were advanced.)

A whiny girl says, "What do you mean by advanced? What you call advanced might be my intermediate?"

The two guys doing the talking are European. One starts talking about whether you have mastered skills on the ball, vision, etc. Clearly, this helps no one. Another starts describing some random European levels. Everyone looks on with confusion. People start scratching their chins and silently trying to figure out this huge dilemma. I hate talking at these kind of things, so finally I just say:

"If you played in college, then you're advanced. High school - intermediate. The rest are beginner."

My suggestion was met with howls of condemnation. "What about Junior college? What if you played in college, but are now out of shape? What about this, what about that."

I knew I made a mistake by speaking. For a moment, I thought to say, "Jesus, you idiots. If you played at some crap college and you know you suck and can play at a high school level - then play intermediate. If you were once good, and now are way out of shape - play down a level. If you were good enough to play college, but didn't for whatever reason, they play up a level! You want a freaking 30 page manual with criteria and exceptions to figure out what level soccer player you are? You want to administer a SAT test? Jesus, figure it out. Retards."

So the hemming and hawing continues. Finally, a sign up sheet is produced. I sign my name for a team that will play weeknights and give my paperwork to a guy who got bullied into managing the team. I say, "All right, I signed the sheet, you have my paperwork. See ya."

I understand the impulse to go John Galt.