What the Hell am I Doing

I've been re-reading Jean Pierre's book entitled Film Production Theory. It's a great book for film students, but really frustrating to think about at the time time...as I imagine he wants it to be.

He argues, convincingly, that film school is really just time to hone your talent. Looking at it that way, it's pretty easy to argue that it's a waste of money. What you're buying is time and friends, really, to help you make your films and bounce ideas around.

He also argues to get the hell out of Los Angeles. The sirens song is too sweet here, the allure of money and fame, to join the rat-race is too compelling and at the same time, crippling to the creative spirit. One will be under constant pressue to "show" what they've done, before we are really ready to.

And he argues fiercely against competition. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Film school is fairly competitive and our 507, which JP was one of the teachers, was fairly competitive. It may just be the people, but really, it's the structure set up from day 1 - compete for scholarships, compete for 546. A lot of USC is set up that way on purpose, to prepare for the real world. But what is the real world? According to JP, just another arbitrary way things are structured.

I think his perscription is to live on the cheap, make movies on the cheap, on your own. He argues strongly against going in debt. How else does one pay for school? Does the MFA matter? I feel like the only one who actually cares about getting the MFA. I know it's useless in terms of getting work and meaningless to the world around me...but I'm actually interested in having a Master's degree in film. I'm interested in having gone through a rigorous program....but yeah, it does cost money, what can I say?

The other factor for me right now is this internship. I see what they are doing to make a documentary and I'm like - I could do this right now, if I put my mind towards it. It seems basically like a research paper on film, juiced up to make a little more sexy and exciting. But I feel like I make my research papers sexy and exciting, anyway.

I like LA. I think when JP says get out of LA, he means get out of West LA and the lure of the entertainment industry. That I can understand. But the east-side is a different story, I feel like, cooler, edgier, better. I've done my the best work of my life this past year - the movies, my blog, and my screenplay. So in some sense, I have to be really happy with things. But it cost a lot of money and I'm not sure if it is a sustainable lifestyle. We'll see.