How I Know I'm Not Gay or Homophobic

In hindsight, I'm surprised this hasn't come up before at my Netflix position, but today I got my first gay softcore porn film. In the que it appeared as "Sideline Secrets," and I thought - cool, maybe a documentary about coaching. Stupid idiot.

So I start watching and I quickly realize this is a gay coming out drama. Fine. Then ten minutes in, we get a masturbation scene. Unartful and unpleasant. Again, fine. Then, we get a shower scene. How are we brought into the scene? A close up cock shot. WTF? Totally gratuitous. Unnecessary.

Have I ever complained about gratuitous violence, boobs, vaginas? No. Does this make me a hypocrite? I don't give a shit.

I was tempted to opt out of watching, but either my work ethic, curiousity, or shame (of maybe being too homophobic) forced me to trudge through. And there were lots more fantasy sequences, unnecessary shirt removals, ass rape, blow jobs, random nakedness, and a whole lot of showers. These gays were very clean.

There were time where I was not paying close attention to the image, but rather the clock in the corner because yes, I had to look away. Luckily it was softcore.

BUT...through this experience, I have come to conclude that I am not homophobic. Why? Because while watching this movie I found nothing morally repugnant about the characters, I felt no ill will towards them or their actions (except for the ass rapist), and at times I sympathize with a gay guy longing for someone or being ostracized.

But before admitting to being open minded, one factual problem remains - it's gross!Low budget pimply faced, ugly assed gay dudes making out with each other, naked and hairy and gangly and in threesomes in bathtubs is motherfucking disgusting to look at. Objectively.

Would it be equally gross if fat, hairy, cherubish women were doing the same? No, not equally, but still gross. Girls are prettier than guys. Sorry. They are. Guys are better at sports. They are faster runners. Girls are softer, prettier, more pleasant to look at. I'm freaking sorry, it's true, and it's not homophobic.