Artest

Ron Artest signing with the Lakers started off promising. First, he introduced Lamar Odom to a Kardashian sister and they were married in a month. Then he fell down his stairs, suffering a concussion, and refused to discuss the incident. Then he admitted to drinking alcohol at halftime during the early part of his career with the Bulls. But since then...nothing. It's like the beginning of Swordfish - starting off with a good scene or two and then turning into a super lame movie.

The best drama Artest can muster is a tweet-off between his brother and Trevor Ariza?

This is a man who last year during the playoffs spoke candidly about playing in a street ball game where a guy tore off a table leg and used it to stab another player through the chest. I saw the post-game interview live and still to this day feel like I totally imagined it. It was so bizarre. On the one hand, I think it is entirely possible Artest made this story up on the spot. On the other, I don't know what would be more strange if he made the story up or if it actually happened. Shouldn't some bored cop from the same town as Artest make this his cold case? Can he/she check the records and see whether there are any old unsolved murders at a basketball court with a table leg as the murder weapon? Can we get some more details? What is the more likely of these scenarios: the incident happened and Artest was a witness, the incident happened and Artest was the perpetrator, the incident never happened but Artest believes it happened, or the incident never happened and Artest just made it up on National TV because he was trying to make some sort of point. I'd say it's pretty much even odds that any one of those four scenarios are possible.

What happened to the Artest who threatened to slice Kobe's neck? Where is the Artest who goes after unruly fans in the seats? Listening to Artest now is like listening to a vulnerable teddy bear. He is giggly and soft and nervous. What has Phil Jackson done? Slipped sedatives into his meatloaf? Gotten him to meditate twice a day? Whatever it is - it's boring. We need Artest to fly off the handle. That's why he was brought to the Lakers. That, and to guard LeBron in the finals. But since that scenario is no longer happening, we need and deserve some crazy ass Artest shit either in this series or certainly in the finals. Maybe Rondo will get under his skin and he'll try to choke him.