Back to the Chickenhawk

This weekend I reluctantly admitted my support of the Iraq war at a bar...to a girl. Hint to guys: this is a REALLY bad move in LA. Girls do not like it. But stupid as this sounds, it's not something I would ever lie about. I did support the Iraq war. And whether history shows the huge folly of that choice or the prescient wisdom (okay, snicker away liberals). The girl shot back, not thinking much...

"Well why ain't you there?"

"That's a good question."

I don't have a response. Well, at least not one to say in a bar. To a drunk girl. But clearly, the question bugs me because well, I made a short film about it once, I've written blog posts about it, and in somber, reflective times, I'll talk to friends about it.

At a bachelor party a couple months ago, a high school buddy of mine and I were sitting in a hot tub, drinking beers up in tahoe after a day of skiing. Could you get more a more ridiculous picture of yuppie-dom? At one point, the conversation danced towards Iraq and guys being there and this guy is conservative and I'm liberal, but that really doesn't matter - what matter more is just having known each other for a long time and he said something and I nodded because I agreed:

"It haunts me."

Not all the time. Not even most of the time. But sometimes. And just now, thinking about this weekend and reading some blog posts an old professor of mine wrote on the Huffington post chastising the Bush daughters for not serving, and feeling the banal of the everyday when you can get the feeling of "I just spent the whole day answering the phones - what am I doing with my life question." I don't know it got me thinking again. And I remembered this old exchange I had with Nate on the issue.

I went back and re-read it and agree with most all both he and I said, although we were disagreeing with each other.

The charge that you cannot support the war without serving - especially if you are able bodied and of age - is patently ridiculous. It is rooted in moral narcissism, the idea one cannot have an opinion without rigidly backing it up with behavior. One can support environmental reforms and still drive. One can support affirmative action and yet hire a non-minority for a job position. One support a Presidential candidate without giving all of their disposable income to their campaign. These are perfectly legitimate behaviors.

But at the same time, I think I am insensitive to the troops. I don't think about them all that much. I don't donate any of my time to help their cause. I don't do much of anything, although there are lots who've lost their lives or limbs. (side note: I'm also insensitive to the cops and all sorts of people who do dangerous jobs that protect me).

And maybe this is all part of my own narcissism and part of an endless cycle of self-justification, but the thought occurred to me: I should just make a damn good movie. 'Cause if I were a vet or a soldier, I wouldn't care if the dude who worked at In and Out supported the war or not, or whether he donated money to wounded vets, or whether he served or not. I'd just care if he made my burger well. So likewise, what I expect from a filmmaker is to make a goddamn fine movie. That's their job. That's my job. My job isn't to perfectly correlate my actions with my opinions - I'm not a Buddist Monk. My job is to see that good movies get made.

It's slow going. Obviously. But I still have a lot to learn.