Google Buzz

My latest Foundvalue post is guess what? A critique of Google Buzz. Oh hell, I'll just reprint in full here.

Last night my gmail account informed me I was on Google Buzz. As a long time opponent of Facebook, I was horrified. Basically, Google just forced me (and all gmail customers) to join their version of Facebook, complete with pictures and status updates, and all sorts of irrelevant nonsense. Before immediately deleting the Buzz account, which I eventually plan to do, I figured I ought to check it out.

I have.

It is exactly what I expected. A total waste of time. I can’t understand what people are talking about. People email little articles and funny word plays and all sorts of stupid-ass shit. 90% of the stuff isn’t directed at anyone. Am I supposed to be reading? Is this directed to me? Am I supposed to respond? I feel like I’m reading a bunch of gmail chats I’m not supposed to read, and more importantly, don’t want to read.

Email is a tricky thing. I go back and forth with it. On the one hand, I like getting emails and look forward to communicating with friends and family. On the other hand, a lot of emails are about shit I need to do. Order this plane ticket. Read my script. Can you commit to drinks next week? Can you do this? Can you do that? How are you doing? Blah blah blah. And then there’s work emails. Almost always more shit to do. I am complaining right now. Don’t get me wrong. I like getting invited to parties and I like having a job and I like having friends who are thoughtful enough to email or respond to me and to keep in touch. I’m just saying I have mixed feelings every time a new message shows up in my inbox. Sometimes I crave them. Other times, I wish I could just check out.

Google Buzz and I’m sure Facebook and MySpace and Friendster are just like having another inbox – another thing to check. Already today, I see my little Buzz box with 3 new messages and for a moment I think to myself “Gosh, I’m so popular, I have so many friends who want to keep in touch with me.” Then I read the messages-

“Does this work?”

“Watch a video of my baby.”

“Look at my friend Rick singing karaoke last night!” (Picture of Rick=someone I’ve never seen before in my life)

What the f—? It’s like being in a room with a bunch of people constantly shouting stuff with no relationship to one another. I’m now getting Buzzes from people who I don’t even know. They are responding to other people’s buzzes with funny comments that I don’t understand. This is like some sort of nightmare world where you have to listen to everyone and everything. I feel like Gene Hackman in THE CONVERSATION only there aren’t any floorboards to pull up since it’s all cyberspace.