One Line of Dialog

Sometimes a movie can be essentialized (did I just make up a word?) in one line of dialog. My favorite example is also the tagline of my blog: "I'm a fiend for mojitos," which - in my eyes - perfectly encapsulates the awesomeness of Michael Mann's MIAMI VICE.

500 DAYS OF SUMMER can also be essentialized this way - "Don't be a pussy." Basically, Joseph Gorden Levitt is being a pussy for the entire movie and I wish every character's response to him throughout the entire movie was "Don't be a pussy." I would have enjoyed the film more. I was rooting for the movie, but I knew early on I didn't like it...it was the moment when he is smashing dishes and they bring in his 10-year-sister who apes Harvey Keitel in Pulp Fiction...pretty much gives it away. They tried some interesting cinematic tricks - and I'll give them some credit for playing around - but to me, only two of those moments work - the split screen and the dance sequence. The Bergman riffs were painful as was the non-linear bounce back and forth and the 8mm felt very trite. It felt like the filmmaker was tossing spaghetti against the wall, hoping a few things stuck. Zoey D is cute and lovable and all that...but we knew this before the movie. Who knew her character would only be treated superficially and never dare to show any vulnerability (no wet hair and low light does make alone make a character vulnerable). But she isn't the problem. It is the conception of JGL - this dude who loves this girl and is sappy about it. BORING. I hate dudes like this. Where is the joy? The fun? DON'T BE A PUSSY, for crissake.

Despite all this, I was willing to keep my mouth shut on this film and let it pass into to ether of other forgettable movies, until the moment of ultimate offensiveness, a shot so pretentious and ridiculous it cannot go without being called out for it's essential lameness. If you've seen the movie, you know the shot I'm talking about. It is the crisis moment of the film, when JGL realizes he will never have Summer (Zoey D) and yet, he, as a character decides to pick himself up again. Yes, it is the Lazarus moment, and how do they show this cinematically? A dolly push in to a book JGL is reading: GREEN ARCHITECTURE. Yes, that's right. Green architecture. (if you haven't seen the movie, JGL wants to be an architect). Why didn't we realize this before? The secret to the future of all happiness and goodness and Obamaness is what else? Fucking Green architecture. I laughed out loud in the theater and covered my eyes in pain. By the time I took my hand away the shot was still up on the screen. How long did they hold this shot on the green architecture book? 6 seconds? It made me laugh a second time.

The sudden arrival in the 8th sequence of an entire chalkboard on his apartment wall and Leila Garrity appearing in the final scene was merely icing on the ridiculousness cake.