This Is Why Every Guy Loves Bill Simmons

"The Patriots can score in bunches, they can run the ball, they can stop the run AND they can stop the pass. They don't have a weakness. During Monday night's thrashing of the Bengals, you almost got the feeling they were screwing around. In one goal-line situation, they tossed out a backfield of Junior Seau and Heath Evans. They threw a TD pass to a linebacker. They kept feeding Moss in garbage time so he could pass 100 yards and get a second TD. At one point, my buddy Bug called me and decided the Pats looked like someone who had just won a ton of money playing blackjack in a casino; now they were wandering around bored and saying things like, "I think I'll play a couple hands of Pai Gow Poker!" Meanwhile, the poor Bengals were so flustered, Justin Smith was "Miked Up" for the telecast, forgot he was miked up and complained, "It's like we're playing seven on five out there, we can't do anything," before remembering that he was miked up and hemming and hawing his way out of it."

Pai Gow Poker. It is rare I laugh out loud reading an article. Kudos.