Know Thyself

I've played competitive soccer for a long time. I've scored a lot of goals (although very few in college because I played mostly defense). But I've never been a good goal scorer. Just a good player who can score. I've had quite a few (probably 10 or so) games in which I've scored two goals. But I have yet to EVER score a hat trick, in all my years of competitive soccer (I'm discounting youth/kids games, which don't really count).

So it was today, in our first round playoff game against the number one seed, I get to start at forward and in the first 30 minutes, knock in two goals. I have two more good breakaway opportunities before the half, neither of which I convert.

We are up 3-0 at halftime and I'm thinking to myself, "This is it. I will score a hat trick today and it will be a good day to do so."

The second half begins, but ten minutes in, our defense is struggling. The number one team won't give up and keep pounding away. Our goalkeeper played an AMAZING game, but finally, they pound in a bicycle kick and it's 3-1. Our team looks a little worried. Their best player is a forward, strong, not too fast, good touch, who's been collecting the ball all day and had many opportunities, but was yet to convert. For some reason our defenders just can't cover him. I've marked guys WAY better and taken them out of games, so I know in my head, I've got to move back and help solidify the defense (which is looking shakey), in order to preserve the game.

Part of me wanted to stay at forward, to keep the pressure up, and to get a chance to score that hat trick, which I'm fairly confident I could have done. But another part of me, the main and I think better part of me knew, that doing so, was putting us at risk of actually blowing a 3-0 lead and not moving on the playoffs.

So I moved back to stopper and marked their number 10 out of the game for the final 30 minutes or so. We won 3-1 and I didn't get another shot on goal.

Now for me, this is a little microcosm for an understanding about myself and my future and my life...a lot of my identity and what I know about myself has come through sport and how I perform at various levels at various times...mostly just because I've played sports for so much of my life. But what this helps crystalize is two things: 1) I am not the type to ever achieve big-time glory. It's just not in the cards for me. I will probably never score a hat trick. I'll never "land" the hottest girl in school. I'll never win an Oscar. I'll never be famous. I'll never be big time. This doesn't bug me, it's just something I understand, and part of me would like to achieve something like that, but it just ain't gonna happen. I can get a taste of glory, get close, but I'll never get it all. I'll never win an MVP, I'll never been homecoming king, I'll never be the valedictorian.

BUT, I don't gamble big because I know I don't need to in order to win. So while I might not achieve glory, I know over the long run, I'm winning more than I'm losing. That's one of the reason's I'm confident in myself taking on a risky and challenging career, because I know in my heart, I'll have some form of success. I won't be the biggest, baddest guy in town, but I'll move on in the playoffs and win some games that I'm not supposed to.

Anyhow, I could have entitled this the narcissism post, but I don't honestly view it that way, in the end, it is what I said at the beginning...knowing thyself.