The Thesis

Why the delay? Why the low energy? Why the no script? I feel this perception, this odd pressure, that I MUST do a thesis to be a worthy filmmaker. And hence my reaction - this disgust - or laziness or feelings of helplessness, pointlessness, of why do a short film at all - to what purpose - to what end? What do I expect to get out of it. And then the money. How much does one spend? Take into account tuition...and do I want to go through what USC makes you go through?

And I see the world of filmmaking and know that even if the film is good, which is hard enough to accomplish, the chances of notice or benefit are still unlikely. If it's brilliant, yes, I suppose it will lead somewhere...but honestly, do people know brilliance when they see it anyway?

And in the end, I guess it comes down the scripts and stories...but it's not only that, it's the structure as well. I come up with funny little ideas and then think - oh, that's not big enough for a thesis. And then other ideas - 25 pages, thank you. Waaay too long. The cringeworthy LA Film Fest movies are all the 25min narratives.

It's like the thesis is this vortex that sucks you into the middle of the storm of all other thesis' made before it and dooms you to replicate the same mistakes you've seen been made a hundred/thousand times before. But maybe that is all movies and maybe, just maybe, this is what they mean by the artistic process. Puke. I just said art. Hate that word.