Wine Country Chronicle

9:30am - Scheduled departure time.

9:45am - Everyone arrives - Jake, Phil, and I. We debate who will drive. Phil's car has a busted headlight. My car is stick shift and has no ipod connector. Jake is hungover. Jake drives.

10:00am - Stop at Western bagel. Eat bagels in the car - fairly messy and difficult.

10:45am - Get caught in massive traffic on 101.

12:30pm - Stop for gas and McDonalds.

1pm - Massive traffic thins out after Ojai.

1:45pm - Drive past a huge Indian casino.

2pm - Stop at Kalyra Winery, where Miles and Jack meet Stephanie in Sideways. Get a tasting for $7. Lots of girls. We see a bachlorette party dressed in all pink tank tops, but do not talk with them. I can't remember all the wines we taste. We started with a Chardonay and another white followed by four reds and two dessert wines.

2:45pm - We head towards Lompoc and drive through Solvang, a kitchy tourist town, where the Hitching Post is. We decide it might take too long to drive out to Lompoc and want to hit as many wineries as we can before 5pm, when most close. We turn around and head towards Los Olivos.

3pm - We decide to hit the next winery we drive past, regardless if it was in Sideways. We stumble across Rideau Winery. This place is nice. Cheese samples, artichoke dip, free jumbalaya. Of course the wine tasting costs $15 and no bottle is under $60. Similar to Kalyra, we start with a Chardonay followed by another white and onto the reds, Pinots and Syrah's. The wine was tastier but in small portions. This winery is total luxury in the the middle of the country. The pourer is a young girl with pretentious, albeit probably good, taste.

3:45pm - Lincourt winery is right down the street. We hit it up. This is my favorite winery. The wine area is small and so people don't linger at the counter and have to move about, creating a more social atmosphere. It pays off as we get to talking with a group of young girls from LA. They take our picture - the one posted above. They have a wine tour guide whose been taking them around to avoid driving. Good idea. She recommends a winery right up the street we can hit right before closing. We agree to possibly meet up with the girls later at the Casino or the Hitching Post. I think the lady pouring wine must like me because she pours my glasses consistently larger than Phil's.

4:45pm - Just before closing we find Blackburn winery. Only us and a couple remain. We are feeling a little saucy right now. We ask about Sideways and the pourer and the other lady tasting didn't like the movie. I got a bit hostile and defensive. We drank wine and it was clear the owners wanted us out of there right at 5pm. We drank quickly and were off.

5:30pm - Excited because of the potential of meeting up with ladies later in the evening, we decide to change our hotel reservations and find one closer to Solvang, the Hitching Post, and the Casino. We stop at cutesy motels, figuring they can't be too expensive. The first one is $200 (our hotel in Lompoc is $125 with two double bets) and has a pool. The one next door is $150. We take it and plot to break into the pool next door later on.

5:45pm - Get our stuff into the hotel and clean up a bit.

6pm - Hit a tasting room right down the street. We get generous pours and each of us try the different types of grapes we liked during the day. They poured the wine into a little glass thing and then from that into the wine glass.

7:15pm - Try to get into the Hitching Post early. It is busy and we can't. We decide to drive down the street to the hotel where Miles and Jack stay and drink beer at the sports bar.

Sports bar - we get a pitcher of beer and play cut throat. Jake dominates the game. The girls haven't called and we regret not getting their number. Stupid.

8:45pm - Hitching Post. We get a nice seat and the atmosphere is just like the movie, with a little bit darker light. We order Pinot and steaks. Yum. Food is good, except I think I chip off a piece of a molar. We get into a big argument about whether Death Proof is a good movie. Other patrons can definitely hear us and must of thought we were obnoxious.

10:25pm - Girls still don't call, they must have met other guys. We head towards the Casino. We drive along dark highway roads, but the full moon illuminates the surrounding hills. We finally figure we went the wrong way. We turn around, head back, and find the Casino. We totally passed it.

Casino - the place is packed. This area is pretty sparcely populated, so it is incredible to see how many people are in the Casino. There is no drinking allowed. We get cash from the ATM. I play blackjack for $10 a hand and get up $60. Then I lose massively and start betting bigger (I know it sounds stupid, but sometimes I play against the grain) and end up getting down $50. I quit. Jake plays 3 card poker and wins around $60. We hear a rumor about a bar.

11:30pm - We try to find this bar and get lost in a small town with about 3 streets. We drive up and down the blocks and see about 1 person. We drive back towards the main road and stop at a gas station. Jake asks random people driving in cars where the place is. We get directions. We stumble upon a parking lot and see a place with people streaming out the front doors drinking.

11:45pm - We roll up to the bar and bad pop music plays on the dancefloor (yes, there is a dancefloor). We see the girls in the distance...with two other guys. They charge us $5 at the door. Should've been a sign. We enter and somehow Phil gets lost. A really thick guy comes up to me the minute I walk in the bar and asks whether I have pepper spray. I say no. He pushes me aside and says get outta my way. I had no idea how to react. I order beers. Jake is angry at the situation. Phil comes in with the bouncer and it turns out our IDs had gotten switched around. We get our beers.

12am - We start talking to the girls again, but it isn't nearly as fun with competing dudes and the ever present feel of a fight about to break out.

12:15am - We leave.

12:30am - A final stop at the Hotel sports bar with the pool and a final beer. We ponder how we handled the situation with the beef cake who was looking for a fight. We are miserable, drunk, and tired.

1am - Back at the hotel we watch The Bodyguard and The Thomas Crowne affair until we fall asleep.

10am - Breakfast at the nice diner across the street.

Head home.